Is the dating pool in danger? Black folks in their 20’s share out

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The Update surveyed a group of women and men to gather their views on the current dating pool and whether it should be a cause for concern.

Dating today is quite different from how it was in the early 90s. Women feel disillusioned with men not fulfilling traditional roles, while men are disappointed with women being too "artificial." Things don't seem the same, and one wonders if this is the end for young people in their 20s. Will they be able to recover? Here are some responses we collected anonymously from our nearby community and folks from around the way.

Woman, 27 | Indianapolis, IN

The dating pool in the current 20’s? Where to start….just simply say over saturated. It’s literally reenacting Two Can Play That Game, but without a Vivica (love you down tho girl). If many claim of being “faith driven” or “marriage minded” why are so many single? You’re picked apart for exterior traits and overlooked on character. It’s fonder to be chased than to be equally yoked. We lack genuine connection, the pool is hyper fixated on one form of intimacy. #makeLOVErealagain 

Male, 25 | Indianapolis, IN

The current dating pool for black folks in the 20s is real performative.People often times don’t show up as themselves and end up not being able to keep up whatever character they showed up as.

Woman, 26 | Indianapolis, IN

If I had to give one word for dating in my twenties I would say comedic. A lot of these men act funny and are allergic to anything that resembles commitment. It’s way more peaceful staying to myself than carrying a conversation with a male 20 something that just want to crack lol.

Male, 29 | New York, NY

The dating pool right now is treacherous. It’s like everybody has the “ima get you before you get me” mindset. Everybody be focused on coming out on top. It’s sad.

Woman, 26 | Phoenix, AZ

Dating in my 20s has been……an experience. I’ve grown, learned, unlearned, and figured out what I want, but I can’t lie, the dating pool has been shit. It feels like a generation of men has completely lost the plot when it comes to yearning, romance, and honestly even the bare minimum. I’m out here looking for connection while half of them are confused about effort. Still, I’m choosing myself every time, and that’s been the best part of the journey. 

Male, 25 | Houston, TX

When it comes to dating i think the pool is what you make it, i feel as if people position themselves for what they desire whether it’s ideal or not.

Woman, 28 | Indianapolis, IN

The dating pool rn in this stage of my 20s: Competition vs. complementary Its like the men and women are against each other in a nonstop nonsensical competition rather than using each others contributions for completeness.

Male, 21 | Atlanta, GA (poem expression)

The dating pool’s gate is decorated with a “closed for cleaning” sign we hop the fence anyways hoping that the game we play distracts us from it’s murky water’s and when we finally get out our eyes, sunken aliens to one another again. Though that doesn’t deter us, we’ll be back tomorrow

Woman, 24 | Indianapolis

“I’m a lover girl I love LOVE , I love romance ,I love romcoms, I love everything about it ! I seen it and I know how to give it . I think one of the biggest things is a lot of ppl don’t have what I have/had I had a mother who loved me so beautifully and a dad who continues show me love and what to expect from a man I have sisters who don’t fuck around bout me, I have friendship love so I know what it is and I understand it . I be trying give ppl benefits of the doubt but how when it doesn’t take much. “

Woman, 27 | Indianapolis, IN

“Being a young black female in her 20’s, the dating poll in my opinion is honestly a disappointment for lack of better words. I say this because of the lack of intentionality. It’s very “go with the flow” type of mentality and that is concerning because why are we comfortable with wasting time that we ultimately cannot get back? “

Woman, 28 | Indianapolis, IN

“I have a few thoughts: I think of the dating pool like the stock market: you need to evaluate yourself and the environment. First, check your own capacity and emotional security. Then analyze what’s safe, what’s risky but worthwhile, and what’s merely a quick “pump and dump.”

“The dating pool became a myth the moment we treated it like a place instead of a collection of real people. We talk about “the pool” as if it’s some external force failing us, when in reality it’s just the complexity of individuals with their own stories, flaws, and timing.”

Woman, 28 | Indianapolis, IN

“Dating in my 20s as a black woman is EXHAUSTING. It’s almost like a kiddy pool where you somehow end up dealing with the most childish people who have no intention of taking anything seriously, all while damaging your mental health in the process. No initiative, no intention AND I have to teach you how to be a good partner? No thank you.“

Woman, 27 | Charlotte, NC

“the dating pool feels like a survival challenge — dodging bare minimum effort, unclear intentions, and people who act interested for five minutes but then never follow through after that.”

That’s enough for now but did you get some insight? Was it clear for ya?we hope so. We’ll see you all on Wednesday for the next conversation and blog. Subscribe to our email to receive updates and when we post.